This must be played with sound:
I think I like the Phillies more now.
Also, I totally stole this from Deadspin.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
DJ Bobby Duvall
First, let me express my first thought in hearing about Brett's new diet:
Second, let me say that I have mixed feelings about this, much like my mixed feelings about the "group" Girl Talk, DJ's, mash-ups, sampling, and everything in between. It makes me mad that vegetarians go around giving themselves titles, and even distinguish vegans. You're herbivores, that's what my dinosaur book tells me! I don't go around claiming to be a meatitarian. Jerks. BUT, it does require discipline, which I slightly respect.
Next I really like this Girl Talk guy/band, but I went from "rap samplings are lazy," to "but only when Diddy does it, not Jay-Z, Jay's cool," to "these mash-ups are entertaining parodies," to "ahh weezer and xtina annoys me," to "I hate techno," to "Not Daft Punk, they're cool, and LCD Soundsystem I guess, and well I guess not all electronic music is terrible," to "hmm i might buy a durkle shirt."
Anyway, my new Girl Talk hang up might be a phase like Vampire Weekend, but I can't deny A) that is takes some talent if not genius to do, and B) I really like it.
Maybe in our new post-blogue/series of tubes world we can develop all sorts of remixed improved ironic or straight up honest to goodness awesome amalgamations:
For instance my new take on Brett's diet drink of choice:
The STOLI & KIKKO
I just wish I coulda photoshopped in some cut up bits of a Slim Jim on a toothpick.
Or my new lyrical remixes, check it:
"Yo, you got a problem, Yo, Duvall'll solve it, check out the hook while Duvall's DJ revolves it."
Anyway, I submit Girl Talk's In Step for your approval (Play Your Part pt. 1 and Hold Up are also pretty legit).
I'm really impressed by the intro, and then something about Salt N' Pepa and Lithium strikes a seminal moment in my music video watching development (a wobbly old school beavis n butthead episode memories perhaps?), then surely Brett appreciates one of Luda's better flows (but in a fergie song?) and the funk distortion totally precludes the inferior proliferation of vocoder rap (I'm looking at you Mister akon), and the ending is just badass.
Also, for those not aware of my moonlighting for a gay KC Chiefs site, check it.
Second, let me say that I have mixed feelings about this, much like my mixed feelings about the "group" Girl Talk, DJ's, mash-ups, sampling, and everything in between. It makes me mad that vegetarians go around giving themselves titles, and even distinguish vegans. You're herbivores, that's what my dinosaur book tells me! I don't go around claiming to be a meatitarian. Jerks. BUT, it does require discipline, which I slightly respect.Next I really like this Girl Talk guy/band, but I went from "rap samplings are lazy," to "but only when Diddy does it, not Jay-Z, Jay's cool," to "these mash-ups are entertaining parodies," to "ahh weezer and xtina annoys me," to "I hate techno," to "Not Daft Punk, they're cool, and LCD Soundsystem I guess, and well I guess not all electronic music is terrible," to "hmm i might buy a durkle shirt."
Anyway, my new Girl Talk hang up might be a phase like Vampire Weekend, but I can't deny A) that is takes some talent if not genius to do, and B) I really like it.
Maybe in our new post-blogue/series of tubes world we can develop all sorts of remixed improved ironic or straight up honest to goodness awesome amalgamations:
For instance my new take on Brett's diet drink of choice:
The STOLI & KIKKO
I just wish I coulda photoshopped in some cut up bits of a Slim Jim on a toothpick.Or my new lyrical remixes, check it:
"Yo, you got a problem, Yo, Duvall'll solve it, check out the hook while Duvall's DJ revolves it."
Anyway, I submit Girl Talk's In Step for your approval (Play Your Part pt. 1 and Hold Up are also pretty legit).
I'm really impressed by the intro, and then something about Salt N' Pepa and Lithium strikes a seminal moment in my music video watching development (a wobbly old school beavis n butthead episode memories perhaps?), then surely Brett appreciates one of Luda's better flows (but in a fergie song?) and the funk distortion totally precludes the inferior proliferation of vocoder rap (I'm looking at you Mister akon), and the ending is just badass.
Also, for those not aware of my moonlighting for a gay KC Chiefs site, check it.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Update: Vegetarian Month
October 13th and vegetarian month is still going strong. There have been moments where I may have felt weak, but I've stuck with it. For example: As most bachelors do, I love frozen pizzas. in late September, as part of my normal grocery shopping I picked up a couple frozen pizzas, and this weekend I decided that a Red Baron frozen pizza would hit the spot:
Supreme (my favorite topping) of course, includes meat. Specifically pepperoni and sausage. As you may know, meat is the most taboo style of food for the vegetarian; even a temporary vegetarian.
Sticking to my commitment, I diligently removed all meat-type substances from said pizza. I then prepared the pizza by cooking it in a conventional oven at 450 degrees Fahrenheit for 20 minutes.
Sticking to my commitment, I diligently removed all meat-type substances from said pizza. I then prepared the pizza by cooking it in a conventional oven at 450 degrees Fahrenheit for 20 minutes.
It was quite tasty. I subsequently ate the entire pizza while watching television that I had previously digitally recorded.
*****Note: eating an entire pizza is not recommended and furthermore is the reason that i will likely not lose any weight by removing dead animals from my diet.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Goodbye, Chickenburgers!
Both of the regular readers of this blog know about our affinity for experiments that really make no sense, such as the experiment that we conducted during the month of April, 2008.
Well, just like Lewis and Clark, Niel Armstrong, Indiana Jones and Muhammad, I am embarking on a new Journey of Discovery.
I will not be eating any animal carcasses during the month of October, 2008.
That's right, I'm going to try on vegetarian-ism for a month. No burgers, steaks, or chicken quesadillas. No more turkey legs, fajitas, pork rinds, or ribs. Not even livers or loins until after Halloween. Don't even try offering me jalapeno cheddarwursts or bull testicles.
Why, you ask? Well it began with a conversation I had with Jeff Jarrett, who is a vegetarian. His birthday falls on September 30th and in planning his birthday activities I was struck with the realization of how limiting it is to be vegetarian. I became curious, indeed.
It's like being Left-Handed, or short, or from Chile. The world is not designed for vegetarians. I had a brief snapshot that day of the plight of the vegetarian. I decided that it will only enrich my life to look at the world through the lens of a vegetarian for one month. I will keep the blogosphere up to date, of course.
I am also taking canned donations of refried beans or cream of mushroom soup.
Friday, October 3, 2008
Self-Defense Course - Lesson #2
Greetings, students.
I hope that last week's lesson has been properly digested, and perhaps even utilized against an assailant.
This week we shall progress to a technique that, while less deadly than the sonic boom, was perhaps the most important contribution to Martial Arts in the 1980s.
Lesson #2 - The Crane Kick
The Crane Kick was an offensive karate move employed by Daniel LaRusso to defeat Johnny Lawrence in the championship match of the 1984 All Valley Karate Tournament in Los Angeles, California. At the time, this was a stunning upset; Lawrence was the defending champ and star student of the Cobra Kai dojo, while LaRusso was fighting on one leg and 2 weeks of unorthodox karate training. During the early stages of the match, several karate pundits went so far as to suggest that LaRusso would be carried out afterwards in a bodybag. However, the potency of the Crane Kick ultimately prevailed.
As LaRussa's sensei (and resident wily Asian) Mr. Miyagi stated, "If done right, no can defend".
If the Crane Kick is done incorrectly, however, one will obtain dubious results. During my formative years I observed several classmates who, moments before a playground fight, would announce to their opponent that they knew karate, assume the threatening stance of the crane kick, and subsequently get their face/dignity smashed repeatedly into the pavement.
That is not our fate, grasshoppers.
Through studious examination, I have broken down the key characteristics of the Crane Kick*.
The Stance: As you an see, this is an unusual stance. The left leg is bent at the knee and raised about 2 feet in the air. The right leg is used for support and bent slightly. The arms are fully extended at an upward angle. The wrists are bent and the palms hang limply facing downward.
The Technique: As the opponent approaches, the crane kick practitioner leaps off his right leg, feints a kick with his left leg, and delivers a straight right kick, usually to the sternum. As this kick lands, the practitioner is using his left leg to land.
Now, ostensibly there are many flaws to this stance.
First, the left leg is raised off the ground, which makes it utterly useless for balance. In addition, you've taken away all the momentum for a knee or leg strike. It would be impossible to generate any significant power from the left leg being in that position. Furthermore, this stance severly inhibits mobility. Any sort of movement can only be done by short awkward hops on the right foot. What would have happened to LaRusso if John Lawrence had the presence of mind to circle him and attack from an angle? Also, defensively, the right leg is susceptible to a punishing leg kick, and lack of balance makes a takedown or sweep seem inevitable. There seem to be no benefits to having your left leg in that position. You've essentially made yourself a one-legged fighter.
Secondly, the arms are raised to the sides of the body, in order to compensate for the lack of balance in the legs. This makes delivering a hand or elbow strike almost impossible. Further, you are leaving yourself wide-open in terms of defense. It would be impossible to defend against any sort of strike to the head or mid-section.
Let's review here:
1. the crane kick stance leaves you wide open defensively to a strike or a takedown
2. the crane kick stance makes striking impossible with the hands or the left leg. You basically have one thing left, and that's a straight right kick, which will be fairly predictible to an opponent, since it's your only possible move.
3. the crane kick stance limits your balance and mobility. It is almost impossible to move, defend a takedown, circle your opponent, or anything else.
However, these weakness are swept away by one salient fact which we have thus far overlooked: you are banging your opponent's ex-girlfriend.
This is the most vital aspect of the Crane Kick. One should never, ever, under any circumstances, attempt a Crane Kick without first engaging in coitus with the opponent's ex-girlfriend.
Consumed with jealous rage, your Aryan opponent, eschewing years of training and experience, will inexplicably rush at you with his guard down, allowing you to kick him directly in the chops. If the kick is precise (as LaRusso's was), your opponent's chops will instantly bust, rendering him incapable of negative emotion; all hate will dissolve from him. Despite the fact that he has devoted his previous 2 months of existence to making your life utterly miserable, he will lift you on his shoulders and offer sincere encouragement and respect.
As you can see, this move is very effective, altering your adversary's emotional disposition as well as severely damaging his chops.
*note: I lifted this description from a former Myspace blog I wrote a year ago under my pseudo profile "Darryl Vidal". Despite an impressing showing in the preliminary rounds (which included the defeat of several Cobra Kai), Vidal was dispatched handily in the semifinals by Johnny Lawrence - setting up, of course, LaRusso's heroics in the final.
I hope that last week's lesson has been properly digested, and perhaps even utilized against an assailant.
This week we shall progress to a technique that, while less deadly than the sonic boom, was perhaps the most important contribution to Martial Arts in the 1980s.
Lesson #2 - The Crane Kick
The Crane Kick was an offensive karate move employed by Daniel LaRusso to defeat Johnny Lawrence in the championship match of the 1984 All Valley Karate Tournament in Los Angeles, California. At the time, this was a stunning upset; Lawrence was the defending champ and star student of the Cobra Kai dojo, while LaRusso was fighting on one leg and 2 weeks of unorthodox karate training. During the early stages of the match, several karate pundits went so far as to suggest that LaRusso would be carried out afterwards in a bodybag. However, the potency of the Crane Kick ultimately prevailed.
As LaRussa's sensei (and resident wily Asian) Mr. Miyagi stated, "If done right, no can defend".
If the Crane Kick is done incorrectly, however, one will obtain dubious results. During my formative years I observed several classmates who, moments before a playground fight, would announce to their opponent that they knew karate, assume the threatening stance of the crane kick, and subsequently get their face/dignity smashed repeatedly into the pavement.
That is not our fate, grasshoppers.
Through studious examination, I have broken down the key characteristics of the Crane Kick*.
The Stance: As you an see, this is an unusual stance. The left leg is bent at the knee and raised about 2 feet in the air. The right leg is used for support and bent slightly. The arms are fully extended at an upward angle. The wrists are bent and the palms hang limply facing downward.
The Technique: As the opponent approaches, the crane kick practitioner leaps off his right leg, feints a kick with his left leg, and delivers a straight right kick, usually to the sternum. As this kick lands, the practitioner is using his left leg to land.
Now, ostensibly there are many flaws to this stance.
First, the left leg is raised off the ground, which makes it utterly useless for balance. In addition, you've taken away all the momentum for a knee or leg strike. It would be impossible to generate any significant power from the left leg being in that position. Furthermore, this stance severly inhibits mobility. Any sort of movement can only be done by short awkward hops on the right foot. What would have happened to LaRusso if John Lawrence had the presence of mind to circle him and attack from an angle? Also, defensively, the right leg is susceptible to a punishing leg kick, and lack of balance makes a takedown or sweep seem inevitable. There seem to be no benefits to having your left leg in that position. You've essentially made yourself a one-legged fighter.
Secondly, the arms are raised to the sides of the body, in order to compensate for the lack of balance in the legs. This makes delivering a hand or elbow strike almost impossible. Further, you are leaving yourself wide-open in terms of defense. It would be impossible to defend against any sort of strike to the head or mid-section.
Let's review here:
1. the crane kick stance leaves you wide open defensively to a strike or a takedown
2. the crane kick stance makes striking impossible with the hands or the left leg. You basically have one thing left, and that's a straight right kick, which will be fairly predictible to an opponent, since it's your only possible move.
3. the crane kick stance limits your balance and mobility. It is almost impossible to move, defend a takedown, circle your opponent, or anything else.
However, these weakness are swept away by one salient fact which we have thus far overlooked: you are banging your opponent's ex-girlfriend.
This is the most vital aspect of the Crane Kick. One should never, ever, under any circumstances, attempt a Crane Kick without first engaging in coitus with the opponent's ex-girlfriend.
Consumed with jealous rage, your Aryan opponent, eschewing years of training and experience, will inexplicably rush at you with his guard down, allowing you to kick him directly in the chops. If the kick is precise (as LaRusso's was), your opponent's chops will instantly bust, rendering him incapable of negative emotion; all hate will dissolve from him. Despite the fact that he has devoted his previous 2 months of existence to making your life utterly miserable, he will lift you on his shoulders and offer sincere encouragement and respect.
As you can see, this move is very effective, altering your adversary's emotional disposition as well as severely damaging his chops.
*note: I lifted this description from a former Myspace blog I wrote a year ago under my pseudo profile "Darryl Vidal". Despite an impressing showing in the preliminary rounds (which included the defeat of several Cobra Kai), Vidal was dispatched handily in the semifinals by Johnny Lawrence - setting up, of course, LaRusso's heroics in the final.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
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