I read with great disgust your mongoloid response to my brilliant blog post "An Auditory Experiment". So infantile and asinine were the ideas you expressed in that post that for several hours I suspected that you'd started our little experiment a week early!
For your information, I have not listened to Bach for 6 straight months; that is patent nonsense. My recent listening has mostly been limited to Tom Waits, The Flying Burrito Brothers and the Rolling Stones' brilliant album Let It Bleed. I have on occasion listened to a Bach keyboard fugue on YouTube, but nothing to the degree that you've suggested. One more fabrication and I will be contacting my attorney.
As to your "manliness theory", you may interested to learn that J.S. Bach fathered over 20 children that we know of with multiple women. The gentleman wasn't exactly shooting blanks, my friend. James Hetfield only has three children, two of which are rumored to be test tube babies.
You may also be interested to learn of an experiment that was conducted several years ago in which a tiny baby daffodil was exposed to the music of J.S. Bach for a period of 3 months. The result of the experiment speaks for itself:
J.S. Bach was a master at the art of counterpoint. As a musician, I'm sure you know that counterpoint is "the relationship between two or more voices that are independent in contour and rhythm, and interdependent in harmony". In layman's terms, Bach would write a melody, then decide that a single melody wasn't manly enough, so he would write another melody over the top of the original. But he wasn't stopping there - nay, his testicles were far too large for that. The fucking guy wrote four (four!!??) melodies that overlapped into one beautiful segue of testosterone-driven gonadal genius.
In a (most likely futile) effort to pry open your eyes to this beacon of masculinity, I have included a typical day in the life of Johann Sebastian Bach:
6:00 - wake up, consume bowl of grits and whiskey
7:00 - verbally abuse the maid/concubine for spilling the contents of his snuff box on his harpsichord
7:45 - kill and consume an antelope while mentally composing a Partita for violin
9:00 - scratch balls with left hand while playing monotonic scales with his right
10:00 - chew tobacco; spit
10:20 - beat 10 of his children
noon - eat a pig
1:00 - grow a mustache
2:00 - construct a clavichord out of the entrails of a vulture and an old rotting log
3:00 - attend a performance of his composition Brandenburg Concerto No. 3 in G Major; afterwards strangle the cellist for botching a note during the 2nd movement
6:00 - eat a cow
7:00 - rape a cow
8:00 - beat his other 10 children
10:00 - kick a horse
11:00 - climb a mountain; urinate off the summit
midnight - sleep on a cold hard slab of rock
yours in anger,
Kyle
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