Today, I went to church for the first time since Christmas, when I was last in St. Louis. My church has not been up to snuff ever since they sent away the good priests to start news churches in rural TN. They've been replaced with bad priests, an African and an Irish immigrant. I decided to skip Easter this year because last year the Irish priest was seen jumping up and down in the parking lot screaming "He's alive! He's alive!" True story
Anyway, my reason for going was like most people: a general dissatisfication with my current state of affairs. Boos and witty banter just don't carrry the day anymore. So, I thought church could lead me in the right direction. I spent the first half of Mass thinking about how a church would be the perfect vehicle for laundering money. I'm still friends with the third priest they have, and he's pretty liberal. He's the only priest I know who openly bashes republicans and doesn't eat meat (outside of JC of course). I'm sure he'd be down. He could set up some sham position for me like a pew cleaner, while I made my generous donations to the weekly offering.
Anyway, my reason for going was like most people: a general dissatisfication with my current state of affairs. Boos and witty banter just don't carrry the day anymore. So, I thought church could lead me in the right direction. I spent the first half of Mass thinking about how a church would be the perfect vehicle for laundering money. I'm still friends with the third priest they have, and he's pretty liberal. He's the only priest I know who openly bashes republicans and doesn't eat meat (outside of JC of course). I'm sure he'd be down. He could set up some sham position for me like a pew cleaner, while I made my generous donations to the weekly offering.
I then spent the second half of Mass thinking about what would happen when the laundering got out of control, like a Ray Liotta in Goodfellas. I don't really have any interest in selling drugs, just the laundering aspect of it all. This could be problematic. It'd get bad when I'd find myself going up to people in Escalades who look like they didn't go to college, saying, "I swear, I'm no cop."
When the Mass ended, everyone around me looked so peaceful and self-assured. On the other hand, I left confused and still looking for answers. Is laundering in my future? How will I know if it's gotten out of hand? And most importantly, what happens if money laundering is not enough? Maybe, next week's service will bring me some creedence
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